SHARING OUR JOURNEY

                                                                   by Steve Charing

My life, so far, has three segments: the years before I was gay, the years when I came out to myself as gay and lived accordingly, and the years I spent with the love of my life.The early years, through junior high school, high school and college, plus the two years following college,

I spent my life in a depressing place called the closet. I knew ever since I was a little boy that I had an interest in other males and did not share the passion my friends had for girls. Yet, I didn't understand what was going on and why. I knew that how I felt was "wrong" and I hoped and prayed it would somehow change.There were no support groups to turn to, no Internet to understand what my feelings were about, and I couldn't discuss it with family members and friends.

While I had lots of friends, I still felt lonely because a good part of me was missing and unexplained.It all transformed dramatically when I was in the Army. A fellow soldier had seduced me, unaware that I never had a sexual experience before. That first time marked my official acknowledgement that I was gay, and it lifted a huge burden off of my shoulders. Following that experience, I lived the expected “single gay life” through the 1970’s: many sexual encounters, partying and fun.

Even being with numerous sexual partners, the one ingredient missing was love. One could be with a lot of people and still feel alone; that’s how I felt. I remained in the closet to all the people in my life including family, friends and co-workers.That all changed when I met Bob in 1980. We started off with a sexual encounter, as was the custom during that era, but the relationship grew to include dating and spending a lot of time together.

You knew it was love as illustrated by the fact that when we were not together I missed him dearly. That’s how I felt about Bob. When I am with him, my whole being is illuminated, and the feeling was and is mutual.He moved in with me shortly after we met and we are spending our lives together with so many enjoyable experiences to remember. We have eight full scrapbooks of memories of all the things we have done together. After 29 years we were married in 2009 in Provincetown, Massachusetts -our first and favorite vacation spot.

We’re now together coming up on 34 years and they have been a blessing. That’s when I finally came out of the closet and the reception from others has been overwhelmingly supportive.What was a difficult start to my journey, the course had changed, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.